singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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