Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
