alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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