problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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