think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He passed out mid-signature
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
