none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
