I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
