I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
