i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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