I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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