one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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