I'm going to jail i love you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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