Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
