I'm really into asian looking animals
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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