If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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