Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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