Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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