Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
