Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
