Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
