I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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