In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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