Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im holly from the hills drunk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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