You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
