I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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