i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
