the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
