Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
