Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
