a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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