i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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