I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
