just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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