I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
