He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
