He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
