last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
