dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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