I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
