who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
