I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize