We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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