he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
