My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
