The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
