My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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