Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize