I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
