Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
