Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
