I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
