dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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