I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
