I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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