He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
