The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
