I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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