I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
