He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
