Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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