Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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