: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
