Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
