Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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