Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
