mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i now understand why vodka
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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