Umm I'm too high to move.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
