He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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