whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
