I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
