It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.