oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"