I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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