Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?