Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive

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  (310): All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive http://tfl.nu/gj7g
  Replies (4) Good night (1479) Bad night (628)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"

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  (720): haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya" http://tfl.nu/5qox
  Replies (30) Good night (6619) Bad night (1814)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  he referred to my room as the tit cave...

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  (210): he referred to my room as the tit cave... http://tfl.nu/3oen
  Replies (9) Good night (2108) Bad night (3657)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.

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  (619): Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me. http://tfl.nu/28u5
  Replies (23) Good night (999) Bad night (4201)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  You would...

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  (204): So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone. (1-204): You would... http://tfl.nu/ljy4
  Replies (14) Good night (1254) Bad night (3617)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"

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  (214): a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate" http://tfl.nu/0wuw
  Replies (9) Good night (1241) Bad night (5575)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.

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  (207): Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me. http://tfl.nu/7so1
  Replies (20) Good night (3151) Bad night (1233)
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  (408): View more from California

  he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."

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  (408): he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink." http://tfl.nu/8gq0
  Replies (25) Good night (3753) Bad night (6395)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.

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  (401): Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks. http://tfl.nu/etsv
  Replies (5) Good night (1457) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.

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  (406): Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/8if7
  Replies (9) Good night (807) Bad night (1263)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex

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  (703): Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex http://tfl.nu/1fn0
  Replies (8) Good night (621) Bad night (941)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.

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  (575): Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare. http://tfl.nu/2cr4
  Replies (6) Good night (1336) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.

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  (319): I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party. http://tfl.nu/7y6s
  Replies (3) Good night (420) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk

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  (304): I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk http://tfl.nu/ufvz
  Replies (0) Good night (372) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.

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  (978): I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar. http://tfl.nu/13q9
  Replies (0) Good night (528) Bad night (235)

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