yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
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Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN