So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
