shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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