Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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