Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.