her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
