filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
